But...
Here is a picture of Shane Mahar, drummer from the band Left To Last, this is all for publicity:
Just keep my mind off of it
Thinking how I had you once
No, I can't forget that
Sometimes I wish
I could lose you again
You're winning me over
With everything you say
You rip my heart right out
I had an inside joke going on with my friend Josh. This inside joke was that I'd never get married. Then, one day I said that the next guy that walks past, I'd marry. It was Josh's friend Anthony. So then, Anthony and I had an inside joke going on that we would marry each other.
I gave him a decision, he had to get me a ring or I'd leave him :). I told him it could be made out of plastic, or paper or could even be a simple ringalo chip.
So, at lunch time, Anthony showed up at my locker and handed me a full bag of ringalos and a note :D. Being engaged it simply splendid. Previous to this event, in gym class we did self defense. I'm going to be able to protect myself and kick some ass at the same time, hopefully.
Last night I read Kurt Cobain's suicide note. It just came over me suddenly that I'd never read it. It's odd to be reading something like that. I cried of course, I really couldn't help it. Then, I watched the special on Nirvana brought to me by Much Music. They played a bunch of awesome videos and watching it was well worth my time.
I wanna always feel like
Part of this was mine
I wanna fall in love tonight
I feel: agitated
Sitting on my ass on a tuesday afternoon because I'm "sick". I'm "sick" about 7 periods of school per week. And if I'm not at home sick, I'm out at MacDonalds. I hate school. I like the people. I like going out in the hallways, giving Kane props, socializing with the other humans being educationalized. Personally, I don't think my school gets much of an education. Too many stoners.
Lately, all I've been doing is losing volleyball games after school and doing a lot of things I shouldn't. I went to KT's party last saturday. I must say that I had an awesome time. Definetely can't go into details about that though :).
I'm snowboarding a lot lately and I've gotten better! I can carve so beautifully and go off the speed bumps and small jumps and manual :). It's so much more fun now that I'm actually getting good, I love it. Amber, Kim and I are going to Tremblant this Sunday, that'll be so awesome, I love Tremblant.
I got metal tunnels for my ears on saturday, they're a "0" gage. Oh, Brett and I broke up which is no shock to me. It was predictable to me and everyone else. So, in conclusion, this doesn't upset me one bit. It upsets my family. Haha, oh well, they're crazy.
Kim and I are going to the Rufio concert in April :D. Gotta love emo! Kim is as emo as a chubby kid writing a love song in the corner of the room with the lights dimmed. She knows it :). As much as she wants to be hardcore, she's so emo. *sigh* me too.
Now in the whirlwind of my life
Is where you presently reside
Can I pretend you don't exist
Maybe just for ten more minutes?
My hearts been broken into two
and rusted from years of disuse
So will you place upon it your hands
Will you help it beat again?
Mistreated, Keely
It's February already. I'm dumbstruck at how fast the time has gone by. I'm trying to think of all of the significant things that have happened in the past few weeks. Lists are good:
1. I went back to school and things were good, not great but good. I did summatives in all of my classes and did fairly well on all of them. I didn't hand in my math summative because my math teacher is a dick. Don't picture that.
2. Next came my exams, ooh fun. I just realized that I'm a genious in english. I got pretty damn good on my english exam. Passed it with flying colours but since I didn't hand in half my work, I have a low mark. I'm pissed off about that and my teacher told me she knows my mark should have been way higher. Last year I had a 91 and this year, I won't even say what my mark is. It makes my tear duct wet.
3. Going to Jeff's show was significant for two reasons. The first reason was that it made Jeff real. Don't even ask. The second reason is that live music turns me on. I get so fucking happy when I hear and watch live music. It's like I'm somewhere else in my mind and god, I love it.
4. Brett told me he liked me and I laughed :). We're going out now. It's very significant obviously. He's awesome because we both like HIM (band). He skateboards really well (I heard from G and Donnie). I like him a lot and that's about all for interesting things happening to me.
"I dare you to forget
those marks you left
across my neck
from those nights when we were both
found at our best
I could make this obvious,
and in one breath
you could shrug me off"
Pleasant, Keely
Me become a writer? I would've thought it were crazy but now that over 10 people have suggested it, it doesn't seem so far-fetched. I'm getting A's in my extra classes but I don't have the motivation to do better in math. I just don't get it. I finally understand one unit, the SOHCAHTOA part/trigonometry, other than that, I need a tutor. I want to do really well next year. Well, in grade 11 and 12 in general, because that's what Universities really look at. I just need the motivation. I think I have one actually. I only have one more day until I go back to school. That's crazy, I'm not entirely ready to go back yet. I have snowboarding on january 9th! with the school. That's suicide. My mom actually thinks I'm going to die. But she overreacts about everything. She cried when I told her about Shane. She CRIED. What the hell? I didn't even cry. Jeez. She really has a grudge against him. I know what it's about though. And I can understand why now. In a real strange way, I'm glad to be going back to school. I'd like to get to know someone better. I cry for strange reasons. I don't cry for the reasons that I should cry for. I was sitting here thinking about what would happen if my house burned down, and tears streamed down my face. Yet, someone destroys my sense of self, my ego, my feelings are crushed, and nothing. Not one drop. Interesting. Well, Jessy is on msn and I haven't talked to him in a while. I think I'm going to finish up now.
"I'll be alright
But I need you close
Please stay tonight
As long as you're here
Just stay near
We'll be alright, yeah alright"
Lacking, Keely
There's something about my lifestyle that I might have to change. Well, we'll see if it changes me first. If not, I don't care. I hung out with Amos on thursday night and we saw my first boyfriend ever, Shane Mander. I saw him at Amos' party, about 2 or 3 weekends ago. But, I fell asleep about 10 minutes after he got there. Which really sucks cause I wanted to see him. At least on thursday he had all the oppurtunity to make fun of me. I told him there were rumours going around about me. One that I've been sleeping around since grade 6. Which clearly is not true. Shane says, "Oh yeah? I didn't know that, where was I? I dated you, 3 times was it? I didn't get any of that!". Haha, yeah, he didn't. Good thing though. I can't really remember anything from that night. I know it was really fun though. Shane's hilarious, very sarcastic but it's rather funny. Off I go to Bayshore Mall now. Later.
"I wish the sun would hide its head, so I could watch you dream some more"
Perplexed, Keely
HAPPY EFFING NEW YEARS!, said with a smile. Last night (biggest party night of the year), I babysat with Amber. Knowing that there was a party I could've been at made it so much worse. Did I mention we missed the countdown? Oh, well we did. I can't say it was all that bad, it really wasn't. I was with Amber, we watched American Pie 1 and 2. Not bad. Amber got a new snowboard, it's so awesome. Next year I'm getting a new board, not bindings or boots, just a board. So, I'll probably just go all out and get a really good board. MY first snowboarding trip with the school is friday night, the 9th of January. I'm nervous/excited. I went to sleep last night at around 5:00 am and woke up at 2:30pm. Right now, Amber and I are going to go to the mall. Hopefully Bayshore, not sure yet. Ciao.
"Wait, they don't love you like I love you"
Desolate, Keely
Interested eh? My life is rated in such a way that I shouldn't even be living it considering I'm turning 16 in February. Hah.
My hair got caught in my christmas tree yesterday. I leaned back to stretch while doing so, my hair got caught in a spikey snowflake christmas ornament. To suppress my boredorm, last night I painted. I pasted, painted, wrote and ended up with a pretty nice collage. I'm not done yet however. I can pretty much draw whatever I see. My teacher calls all my assignments "Brilliant!", or, "Superb!! Wow, AMAZING". She thinks those comments will help me to succeed, and strive for excellence, but they don't. I draw for myself, not for anyone else. What she doesn't realize is that I'm hardly interested in her class. It takes my long enough to hand things in because her assigments are devastingly boring to me. I haven't gotten less than perfect on anything in her class besides a unit test that I got 84% on. I was the only one to get perfect on her Art History test and she praised me like there was no tomorrow, which I hate so much. I'd rather the class think I'm dumb because I show no compassion towards her class. Just like I show no compassion towards my parents. But, today is New Years Eve and I have some resolutions.
"I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all
Tears and fears and feeling proud,
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds,
I've looked at life that way."
Feeling Artsy, Keely
Maybe I need to work on caring about things more. Like school for instance, and my relationships with people. That's what life's all about, work and communication. I hope to fit in writing a book, sky diving, opening a restaurant with Amber, going to Whistler etc.. Can't forget the roadtrip with Kim, Amber, hopefully Jill too. I love life when I'm with Amber and Kim. And when I'm privelaged enough to get a hug from Kim, I feel special because Kim doesn't like giving hugs :). I like receiving hugs, I haven't gotten a hug in a while. Well I have, but not from anyone of importance. In the past few days, I've eaten so much, it's unbelievable. Ooh, guess what? Rumours are going around about me. Horrible rumours that are obviously not true. Yet, people behave the way they've been taught and spread them anyways. I've started to enjoy watching how people play "life". I guess our teenage years might not matter. Just like how Mike is hurting Vicki right now. I think he'll learn the hard way that what he's doing is wrong. For some reason, guys seem to be hurting girls more often. A lot of my friends at least. I wish I could help, but it's hardly my business and I can't get involved. Oh dear, I upgaged my ears to a two. I told myself I wouldn't do that. I don't listen to myself anymore though. Alright, well, I better go now, I'll write more later on perhaps.
"with all of this I know, it all just goes to show that nothing I know changes me at all"
Used, Keely
I think I will go to bed in a few minutes. I'm awfully tired. My mother is making me worried. She said that if I don't take cough medicine and eat that I'll get a pneumonia. If you aren't aware, a lot of people die from pneumonia (research). Pneumonia is an infection in the lungs. Pneumonia can be viral or bacterial. Interesting I must say. Is pneumonia serious? VERY serious. It is the fifth leading cause of death in adults each year. There are 500,000 cases of pneumonia each year. 50,000 people die each year of pneumonia- 50 percent of those deaths could have been prevented with a pneumonia vaccine injection. Okay, so now I'm afraid I'll get pneumonia and die. Also, my grandma who is 92 years old, is in the hospital with pneumonia. Well, crap. Well, I think it's off to bed I go. Night.
*cough*, Keely
Good day.. slightly. I've become more sick than before and I refuse to take cough syrup for I can not tolerate the taste. At the moment, I am eating Halls Fruit Breezers and chicken noodle soup is on it's way downstairs. My mother doesn't want to get sick and I'm not allowed to go near her. Also, I can't visit my grandma in the hospital because I can't get her sick either. I'm hoping Amber isn't intimidated by my illness, I need her. I love and hate being on christmas break. I want to talk to someone at school that I didn't have a chance to say goodbye to on friday :(. I want christmas to come more quickly and I want to not be sick. I've had to give up the oppurtunity to go snowboarding 4 times. That's the worst part. Matt wants to go to Camp Fortune this saturday and I pray I'm better by then. Also, I want to go to Oasis this friday. Also, boxing day shopping. Ah.. need to get better real soon. I have a horrible immune system though, and I doubt I'll be better in time. Well, I'm off now to eat some soup, write again later.
Disappointed, Keely
Christmas is in 4 days and I am incredibly sick right now. My cousin and I are feuding right now and she has to come over on Chistmas day. Just lovely. I wish I were snowboarding or hanging out with Kim and Amber, but instead, I will stay home with my fever. I have a very nasty cough right now and I feel as if I'm dying. Apparently, I'm a dramatic person as it is but I really do sound like I'm about to croak. If something new comes up, I'll write again.
Light-headed, Keely
What a mess our lives turned out to be
It was at it's best when you and I were only three.
We can start with all the things that turn us out,
We can go right down the list and throw them out.
Can we start over? Can we start over?
It's over...
Me
My name is Vicki and I'm 14, living in Canada... I'm tallish, love Diaryland, designing and real life TV, Chapters and reading. I have dark purple-ish hair and am in grade 9... immature and outgoing. I love my friends.